Pure Panto Gold, Sparkles, Slapstick and Showstoppers – Goldilocks is a Laughter-Filled Tonic for the Soul at Milton Keynes Theatre this Christmas
- Shahnaz Hussain
- 18 minutes ago
- 2 min read
By Shahnaz (Shiny) Hussain - Arts Reviewer
This isn’t the bedtime story you remember - it’s fresh, funny, fast-paced, circus-themed, twist-bursting with comedy, dazzling routines, and heaps of audience participation. Brian stars as Billy Barnum, Goldilocks’ dad, with his daughter Lucy stepping into the role of Goldilocks. Together, they lead a production that radiates warmth, charisma, and unfiltered festive joy.
I was absolutely over the moon when I heard that Brian Conley would be headlining this year’s Milton Keynes Theatre pantomime Goldilocks and the Three Bears. A true national treasure and one of Britain’s finest old-school entertainers, Brian is the complete package - he sings, dances, cracks jokes, and has that rare, timeless ability to connect with audiences of every generation. From toddlers to grandparents, everyone is instantly drawn into the fun. He’s a master of his craft: an all-round variety performer in the classic sense, the kind we sadly don’t see enough of today.
They say laughter is good for the soul, and this show delivers bucketloads. Gag after gag, playful nods to contemporary news, slapstick, pranks, surprises - it’s non-stop hilarity from beginning to end. I could happily watch this every night; it was tonic for the soul.
Brian’s ability to engage instantly with the audience remains unmatched. Within minutes, he had the whole theatre joining in, laughing, shouting, and becoming part of the spectacle. It’s the kind of laugh-out-loud entertainment that only true variety performers can deliver.
Gary Milner is deliciously wicked as Baron von Blackheart - smoky black eyes, a whip, and a circus full of caged creatures make him the perfect panto baddie. Larger than life, gloriously theatrical, and wonderfully boo-worthy.
David Robbins brings pure magic to the stage as Dame Betty. She is mumsy, whacky, warm, and outrageously funny. Robbins’ costumes (all designed and made by him) were nothing short of spectacular - from Wonder Woman to a shaggy pineapple - and with well over 16 changes, I lost count. Each quick turnaround was just as impressive as the last.
The set is nothing short of magnificent - bold, bright, bursting with colour, and drenched in sparkle. Every backdrop is a spectacle, every costume glittering perfection. Beware where you sit, gentlemen - there might just be a surprise in store!
The music was excellent, albeit loud. The cast of supporting acts kept the energy sky-high. From the incredible Timbuktu Tumblers with their breathtaking acrobatics and limbo, The Mysterious Magical Mysterioso with his mesmerising magic and illusions, to delightful tap-dancing bears!
What truly shines through is the camaraderie. This cast clearly adores working together - the warmth, fun, and genuine affection ripple right off the stage and into the audience.
In short: this year’s Goldilocks is a spectacular blend of laughter, music, mischief, and heart - the perfect start to the festive season. With Brian and Lucy Conley leading the way, it’s pure joy from start to finish.